New guy

I think i may be in love with the guy in msia.Dont knw if it's a good thing or a bad thing.guess liking someone has its pros and cons.pro is that i have someone whom im looking forward to knw each day however con is that liking someone is so hard and tiring.when u put in too much effort on that person u like but u didnt get what u expect to get,ur disappointment will only grow higher.most of the time i really hate the feeling of being in love with someone,coz most of the time my energy and time are just wasted on thinking of him.and it brings so much misery to me when i can only think of him but cant be with him.the reason is because we live in two different countries.i have to study here in spore and he is always so busy with work in msia till he cant even find time to contact me?!even if it's just a while,i wish he can msg me to show that he's missing me like i do to him.in the beginning he's always the first one to greet me every morning and he will msg with me until he went to bed.but recently our contact time really cuts down alot and every time when we just start chatting,he needs to work or just go to bed early.i think i shldn't have told him that i like him,that's really a stupid move i've made.nw he knws he is impt to me and hw much he could influence me.really hate it.he's the only one on my mind now.damn! whatever is happening to me man!can this crush just go away?stop causing me so much misery because i dont want my entire life to fret over you!

24th dec 2009

DAMN~! what the fuck is going on! why do all these things have to happen to me?can alll these things be stopped?Its killing me! tearing my flesh apart from my body every moment! If its really the truth how shld i react?!what shld i do?! i really have no idea! can somebody just end my life now and make it easier for me?!its no way better for me having to endure all these ridiculous and fucking stupid stuffs in my entire life!!!!!i have made the greatest mistake in my life! i will nv be able forgive him or me!YOU make my life miserable!If there's someone i have to curse it will be YOU i swear!

16th dec 2009 wed 5.11am

i have a feeling that HE's drifting away from me.it was sad.i have no idea why is this happening,thought we have been good all these while?have been wondering for days,which makes me cant sleep and have no mood to do anything else.i try to keep myself busy to stop myself from thinking,but the thought always come back after awhile.HE has been the one who makes me feel alive once again,let me taste the sweetness of love which i have longed tasted.but it just lasted for awhile and everything starts to turn bad.what i can say is that i really like HIM ,but im afraid that im falling in love with HIM.i dont wish to suffer another heartbreak.thats really terrible.:( i just hope things will turn out well between us again .

My hamster died.I dunno what time it actually died but I found it dead just one hour before i wanted to bring it to the vet.Im desvastated.I cried as if I lose my own child.My parents thought something serious happened to me.Well,my mum consoled me that pets would eventually die one day,as long as I had given my best to take care of them,there were no regrets.But my hamster was not supposed to die so early.It's still all my fault.If I had not go put some stupid powder on it that caused its death.:"( Furthermore,my hamster would be so lonely and sad since her dead sister was never to be by her side again.
My these few days I felt totally so sway.On tuesday i vomitted two times ,felt like dying at that point of time.The next day woke up,felt body aching and feeling weak all over,having breathing difficulty plus no strength to walk.Its been a long time since i felt that way.In the evening I rest for awhile,when open my eyes and tried to wake up,I really can't move.I was feeling seriously exhausted,giddiness and headache..apparently even worst than what I'm feeling in the afternoon.I dragged myself out of bed to go get a bath,but I can't.I fell down on a bed again.I swear it was as if I'm going to leave the world.I had a fever of 38.2 degrees.It's only then I went to see a doctor.The next day was stilluncomforatbale for me.Still weak all around my body,no energy.whatever I eat I feel like vomitting.Don't be mistaken I'm not pregnant.On the same day,got bitten by my hamster "accidentally".She wanted to bite another hamster,I went to block it with my hands,and her teeth just went into my finger.I tell you,it's so damn painful lah,its as if she poisoned me,the finger went all red and swollen through my wrist and to my upper arm.And somemore it's itchy and painful at the same time.Haiz...I wonder if I had been cursed.
Recently just happened some things which I really wanted to put it on blog.But I'm pretty tired now so I guess I will post them some other day.

It's all my fault...I applied some dry bath powder on my hamsters and caused one of them to get skin infection.It looked quite serious because it went to bite itself and bled.Must be really itchy and painful...really broke my heart when i saw this situation.In a twinkling of an eye,it turned out really skinny like a stick,with its backbone sticking out cause of the lost of appetite and maybe its too painful to eat.Wanted to cry at that instant sight.
So,I brought it to the vet,the veterinary clinic inside the pet shop at vivo.I don't like the receptionist.The way she talked seemed really unfriendly.Fortunately,the vet was nice and handle my hamster with care.He also explained what actually caused the infection.It was some kind of parasite.Afterwards,he told me how to feed and apply the medicine to my hamster.
That night I tried to apply the medicine to my hamster.I was supposed to hold her in a towel and apply the medicine.However,when i attempted to catch her,she squeaked.Im really frightened by the sound,i don't know if she don't like it or was feeling very painful.So I left it alone.Thinking that the next morning I will call the clinic again for some assistance.
The next morning I called the vet.He told me that my hamster might be feeling painful so he advised me to go back to the vivo branch clinic for assistance.Saying that the vet on duty at the vivo clinic would help me to apply the medicine.So i called back the vivo branch clinic only to realize that the vet was not seeing hamsters that day.I was wondering if the receptionist is lying coz i had never come across any animal clinic that they don't see hamsters on some particular days.It's simply RIDICULOUS! WHAT KIND OF LOGIC IS THAT?!I really need help seriously, my hamster is in pain,and yet they just gave this lame excuse.I explained to the receptionist that i really had difficulty applying the medicine and she replied that maybe they could help apply the medicine so I thought that was really helpful and blurted out"Oh,so i can bring my hamster to the vet today and you can help me apply?" However,she quickly changed the subject asking me that I only need to use the towel to hold her and blah blah blah...oh come on,I already knew how just that I'm afraid to hold her coz she was squeaking.Anyway i knew that she just don't wanna help so just forget it.The service they provide especially the receptionist was really LOUSY! and yet i still have to go back every 10 days.
Oh and plus one more thing,I asked my bf to help me hold my hamster,turned out he was even more afraid than me.Saying that he don't dare and even threw temper.Fine i guess.If that's the case i will do it MYSELF.So I forced myself to hold my hamster,she was struggling really hard and my bf fed her the medicine with a syringe.I asked him have he fed it,he answered don't know coz the hamster was struggling he wasn't sure if he had inserted into its mouth.Then i asked him again to double confirm,this time he answered harshly "Got lah!" I was damn pissed off coz if my hamster had eaten the medicine why would you say in the first place that you don't know if it had eaten.To me it's very important for my hamster to eat the medicine,so give me a proper answer.I did not told him off and yet he threw his temper on me and went away.First, he act like a total coward when he don't want to hold the hamster and secondly he threw his temper for no reason.I was really so angry that instant I swear I would not need his help anymore.What a coward when he's a guy!
Till now,my hamster's still struggling with the skin infection.It grew skinnier than before.Looked really tragic.Im really really really heartbroken coz there's there nothing for me to make her feel better except to feed her with the medicine.Seeing it cant even walk properly or eat properly make me even worse.I could only pray that she would recover as soon as possible.and God bless,I really love her alot.

PLESE STOP CRUELTY TO ANIMALS!!

Was playing with my pet rabbit,stroking her white fury fur.As i was engrossed in it,a cruel scene suddenly appeared in my mind.I remembered i received an email saying that china people capture racoons and lock them in tiny mini cages.Being locked in such a small place is alrdy terrible,but they left the racoons out in the open whether it is scorching hot or raining heavily.However this is not the worst.The people hold the racoon upside down and whenever it struggles,they hit them hard against the hard stoney wall or ground.If possible they will use sth hard to hit it until it's bones are crushed to pieces.Then the worst of the worst happens.they cut the skin of the racoon's leg and peel the skin off until its head.Of course the racoon is bleeding and immersed in intense pain like hell!Somemore they skinned the poor animals ALIVE!!WTH!!! u know what,when they are done skinning it,the racoon has not died.It died because it bleed to death and the pain is so unbearable.The email even consists of a video which feature a racoon being skinned alive.i have not watched it because i cannot stand the cruel sight.The video even capture the racoon after being skinned and thrown aside for it to bleed to death,thats when it LOOKED directly at the camera for a few seconds before it goes out of breath.can u imagine that?!?!!!I really cant believe why we humans can be so cruel just to satisfy our materialistic needs.all those clothes made of animals' skins or fur,are all these things much more impt than compared to the lives of these animals,and the countless,undescribable,extreme pain which they bear for us??!!!nothing else is more cruel than humans!Im devastated when i see this email,i admit i will burst out into tears if i ever heard or see any cruelty done to any animals.Just because they cannot talk or behave like humans doesnt mean they are deprived of living.If there is any campaign involving stop cruelty to animals,COUNT ME IN!!!SO PLEASE and PLEASE STOP CRUELTY TO ANIMALS!!

6th aug 2009

was unhappy today.dunno why.have a feeling that im being fooled by someone.anyway its over so i will let all of these be forgotten.nv wan to rmb it again.

Thats all.starting to get stressed over the upcoming exams and presentation.jia you everyone!